The Cold War
by SpecificTaigu
Summary: The commander of the Saunder's school tankery team has been cozying up with the commander of Pravda's team, and Vice-Commander Nonna is not jealous at all. She is angry to witness such a brazen display of American arrogance. Since this was far better received than I thought, I'm turning it into a collection of vignettes on the relationships between three unlikely tank girlfriends.
1. The American Invasion

Nonna did not do things in half measures; she excelled at all things or died trying, and that was what made her admirable in combat and in interpersonal matters. In a tank, she struck fear into the hearts of her enemies right before delivering the death blow and sending them reeling in fiery spectacles across the ground. On foot, she inspired awe first by her stature and second by her steely gaze which never wavered. She carried her school's greatest commander upon her shoulders, and proudly lifted her and her teammates to loftier heights than they had ever dared to dream of. She had shorn herself of every scrap of personal weakness, and was content with her unfaltering will and conviction in everyday life.

So how had it come to pass that she found weakness creeping into her once more after having been a solid rock of willpower for so long? How had such sentiment crept beneath her radar so skillfully that it had popped up right in her face without warning? Much like the Ooarai tank had lay in wait under the snow, so too did these _feelings_ strike upwards and punch through her armor with great effectiveness.

Nonna was not sure, but she knew that it had something to do with that girl. The one who, even now, lay draped across her couch, snacking on Katyusha's favorite cookies and idly watching the television. Commander of the Saunder's school tankery team, Kei, made herself at home in the apartment that Nonna shared with Katyusha more and more frequently as the school year came to a close, apparently unphased by thoughts of exams.

When confronted, Kei just grinned the type of grin a fool would wear, and exclaimed, "As long as I give it my all, the outcome will always favor me, and if it doesn't, it will have been fun!"

It was asinine.

Katyusha padded into the living room, apparently following the sound of someone munching on her snacks, and when she saw Kei she shouted in bad Russian and leaped on top of her, wrestling the cookies away. Kei laughed, loudly, and surrendered the cookies, choosing instead to wrap her arms around Katyusha's waist, burying her face in the smaller girl's stomach.

Katyusha squirmed and yelled, "Release Katyusha this instant!"

Kei acquiesced, beaming proudly and wiggling around until she was sitting up with her back pressed against the armrest. "Yes, proud Katyusha! I follow your command!"

Katyusha seemed contented with this, and she maneuvered herself until she was comfortably resting with her back against Kei's stomach, her head gently pillowed on Kei's chest. She took a large bite of a cookie before offering it back to Kei who happily snagged it from her fingers with her mouth.

Nonna watched this entire display with a wide variety of emotions that she captured, considered, and catalogued as efficiently as she could. She was annoyed at Kei's friendliness towards Katyusha, even though she knew that it wasn't mere friendliness; she was disgusted by the cutesy display under her own roof and at the weakness it boasted; she was jealous. Nonna's eyebrows twitched, the only sign of irritation that slipped past her iron defenses. She was _not_ jealous. She did not get jealous.

She saw Kei nuzzle her face into Katyusha's soft hair, and she felt a flood of anger surge through her. She was angry because the faux-American menace had weaseled its way into her home with the intent to infiltrate and steal their most precious resources. There was nothing else that made her angry, not that Katyusha smiled and relaxed without her or that Kei was permitted to touch Katyusha more or less how she pleased. She was not angry that Kei spent so much time with Katyusha or that Katyusha was able to rest her head on Kei's ample chest.

Nonna felt heat rise into her face, and she did an about-face and marched herself into the kitchen. She stared long and hard out the window as snow fell less gently and more slanted than it would if they hadn't been on a moving ship. Her devotion belonged entirely to Katyusha. Her devotion belonged _entirely_ to Katyusha. There was not a speck of her that wished for that to change, and indeed she knew that it wouldn't. They had been more than friends for a long time; they had been comrades at arms and two parts of a whole being. That whole being, of course, was a taller, more mature appearing Katyusha.

_That's it_.

Nonna slammed her fist against the counter, rattling dirty tea cups in their soiled saucers. She finally understood what made her angry, and she thrilled knowing it was not jealousy that set her face aflame.

She tromped back into the living room, spying Kei and Katyusha both still rapt in attention as gunfire sprayed on the screen, an uneaten cookie hanging in the air before Katyusha's mouth as it lay open but unmoving.

Nonna stomped her boot, and crossed her arms over her chest. "Commander Kei!"

Kei and Katyusha's heads snapped as one to attention; Kei was curious but enthusiastic; Katyusha seemed mildly alarmed.

"Yes," Kei chirped in reply, "Vice-Commander Nonna?"

Katyusha squirmed, but Nonna chose to narrow her focus to the fool smiling at her without fear. "You say that you love Katyusha. Is it not so?"

Kei's face twisted in puzzlement, her tone adopting a more formal air. "It is as you say."

Nonna sniffed. "How can this be so when you only love half of Katyusha's majesty?"

Katyusha looked at Kei, aghast. "Is this so? You only show love to a small portion of Katyusha?"

Kei shook her head, confused but not ruffled. "I love all of Katyusha. From her mighty head to her proud feet."

Katyusha turned her hot glare towards Nonna. "Explain yourself, Nonna. You accuse Commander Kei of treachery. Is it so? How does she betray Katyusha?"

Nonna settled her hands on her hips and slowly shook her head. "Katyusha is strong and fearsome."

Katyusha interrupted, pleased. "It is so!"

"But the Katyusha before you is incomplete."

"What?" Katyusha recoiled, mouth agape. "What is the meaning of this?"

Nonna thrust her thumb up, jabbing it at her collar bone. "Without Nonna, Katyusha is not whole! Nonna is a part of Katyusha that cannot be left behind!"

Katyusha clapped her hands once, and nodded eagerly. "It is so! Nonna is the right arm of Katyusha!"

Nonna let loose a sigh of contentment, glad that her point got across and happy for the praise. Kei seemed at a bit of a loss, her eyebrows knit together in thought and her lower lip jutting out ever slightly. Quietly, she seemed to mull over what Nonna had said, until she blinked and smiled broadly.

Kei lowered her eyelids and folded her arms on the armrest, laying her chin on top of them so she could peer up at Nonna. Nonna took a step back, unsure of what kind of assault Kei was launching.

Kei's eyebrows rose, and she spoke in a low tone that Nonna had not heard her use before. "Vice-Commander Nonna. Are you asking me out?"

Nonna took a step back before steeling herself. She was stronger than this.

Kei looked at the floor and then back up at Nonna with a small smirk. "If you're wanting in on this, you don't have to make up silly excuses."

Katyusha came up behind Kei and peered at Nonna over her head, resting her hands on Kei's shoulders and her chin in Kei's hair. "Yes, Nonna. You have always been welcome in Katyusha's arms, and comrade Kei has a fondness for your appearance. You may join us."

Nonna faltered. She felt sweat trickling down the back of her neck, and she couldn't find the words to speak. She lacked composure. She was completely undone.

Kei shot the final shell to breach the hull of her defenses. "Show me what the right arm of Katyusha is capable of, comrade."

Nonna pivoted in a single, swift motion, and retreated. The battle was lost; her enemy was too formidable. But she would live to fight another day, and the war _would_ be hers. Kei would regret this. She had chosen her opponent poorly.

Nonna did not do things in half-measures; she excelled or died trying. If Kei thought that she could run _Nonna_ in circles with her lidded eyes and pouty lips, she had another thing coming. If Kei attacked with sultry words and suggestive phrases, Nonna would obliterate her with a seduction the likes of which the world had never seen. Kei would be swept up so suddenly and breathlessly that she would beg for mercy, and Nonna would give her no quarter.

Kei had fired the first shots, but Nonna would end it.

Kei wanted a war, but she would get a massacre.

* * *

You ever accidentally convince yourself to ship something stupid and nonsensical?

You ever accidentally convince yourself that there is no way it could fail?

Kei/Katyusha/Nonna Girls und Panzer OTP


	2. Power Struggle

(The following contains mild NSFW-ish material.)

Katyusha sat on a pillow on the floor at the edge of the room as Kei and Nonna grappled with one another on the far side. They were pressed, palm to palm, straining against each other in a battle for dominance fueled by stubbornness, pride, and a desire to show off for their mutual girlfriend.

Their biceps bulged as they held nothing back, and Katyusha's eyes roved approvingly over the hard lines of toned muscle in Nonna's back and shoulders and Kei's calves, taking no notice of how intentionally their tank tops and biking shorts allowed them to showcase themselves. Their constant work with tankery had made them strong and hard, and their stamina was something to be marveled at. Nonna had twisted her hair into a tidy bun; Kei had tied hers into a loose ponytail. Their sweat-drenched bodies were a boast in how long they'd been struggling against one another, and their slips clung to their backs and chests.

Nonna was taller, and her muscle was lean and harsh. Kei was stouter; her arms and legs were thick and defined, but her stomach showed a hint of pudge that could not be found anywhere on her opponent. Nonna had pressed the advantage of her height in the beginning, and it had given Kei something to contend with, but now Nonna found herself being pressed back little by little as Kei dug herself in with her powerful legs. Nonna weighed her options as the possibility of defeat drummed in her ears, and she knew as Kei smiled just a little that Kei was well aware of how this was going to end if Nonna didn't change course somehow. Nonna _couldn't_ lose, not in a battle of strength and not while Katyusha was observing.

A plan formed in her mind.

"Commander," Nonna grunted, feeling herself losing a small bit of ground as she spoke. "Would you do us the honor of fetching towels for when we are done?"

Kei laughed, small and truncated, and as she spoke Nonna regained the ground she'd lost. "What's the matter, Nonna? Giving up? That's not like you."

Nonna strained, but Kei was a wall that would not budge. "This match will be decided," she growled in effort, "soon."

Nonna couldn't see Katyusha, as the commander was at her six, but she heard the sound of her hopping onto her little feet. "Promise to Katyusha that you will not win while she is gone."

Nonna nodded, and Kei grinned and nodded as well. The time for words was far gone. Kei's eyes were predatory in a way that Nonna did not see often, and she could tell the scent of victory looming over her was driving her onward.

Nonna heard Katyusha's padding footsteps leave the room, and as soon as Nonna knew they were alone she allowed herself her own predatory smile. Kei didn't falter, but she did frown, on guard but unsure what the other could be planning.

Nonna didn't wait; Katyusha's absence was an advantage she would not get again. Nonna leaned in and kissed Kei hard on the lips. Kei's eyes went wide, and she wobbled for the first time in their match. Nonna pressed against Kei's hands, and thrilled as she found a lack of resistance. She shoved backwards, pressing Kei against the wall with her hands pinned above her, kissing her again, and finding Kei's lips to be as yielding as the rest of her body. Small whimpers of pleasure escaped Kei, and Nonna knew that she had won utterly and completely.

Nonna pulled away and looked long and hard on Kei's face; she was flushed, sweat trickled down her temples, and her expression went from frustrated longing and confusion to sudden realisation and anger.

"Hey," Kei struggled against Nonna's grip, but she was held fast against the wall, "that was dirty! No fair!"

Katyusha's voice whined from the doorway, "Nonna! You said you wouldn't win while I was gone!"

Nonna moved to let Kei go so that she could receive a towel and her due praise from Katyusha, but Kei's fingers tightened against hers, her eyes narrowing dangerously.

Kei growled low enough that Katyusha wouldn't be able to hear, "This isn't over, _Vice-Commander_. You've started something and you better be ready to finish it."

Nonna tugged herself free, sparing Kei a glance that lingered for only a moment before she turned and crossed the room. She accepted the towel and nodded along as Katyusha admonished her for not letting her see how she had bested Kei, but her mind was elsewhere.

As Kei took a towel beside her, laughing as she rubbed herself down and Katyusha boasted in Nonna's place, Nonna watched. The memory of her lips on Kei's burned in her, but not as much as the looks she had seen on Kei's face. Pitiful longing. Hardened resolve with flickers of anger. The sounds Kei had made at her touch rang in her ears, and she told herself she was only relishing her brilliant strategy.

"If there were ever two people who needed a bath," Kei grinned. She turned from Katyusha to Nonna, and Nonna saw the flash of resolve before she felt Kei's hand smack her butt. Nonna jolted, but clamped down on the yelp that tried to leap from her throat.

Katyusha nodded. "Yes, the both of you smell strongly of battle. Let us draw a bath without delay."

As Katyusha turned to lead the way, Kei smirked and mouthed the words "bring it on" before following after their girlfriend.

Nonna may have won today, but now she was wondering if the long term consequences of her plan were going to outweigh the benefits. As it stood, she had never been more reluctant to take a bath.

* * *

Nonna glowered down at Kei who had draped herself across the entire couch, staring stubbornly past Nonna at the television.

"Are you refusing to make room?"

Kei looked up at her with a frown before gluing her eyes back to the tv. "Sit on the floor if you wanna be out here."

"This is _my_ apartment."

"You already said that."

"By extension it's my couch."

"Consider this an invasion. I've claimed this couch for America, now sit on the floor or leave me alone."

To say Nonna was insulted would be a gross understatement. She was _incensed_ at the very notion that she of all people would sit on the floor while _Kei_ took up the entire couch out of spite. Kei had become too comfortable; Katyusha wasn't even here, and yet Kei was on their couch wearing nothing but an undershirt and some gaudy boxer shorts, the rest of her clothes strewn across the floor haphazardly. Nonna had a hunch that this was a measured assault against her, but she wouldn't fall for any ruse. Not this day.

"If you won't make room," Nonna sloughed off her jacket, flexing her newly bared arms in a subtle threat. "I will have no other option but to use force."

Kei lifted a mocking eyebrow. "Ooh, exciting. I'd like to see you try."

Nonna took a step closer, and Kei's shoulders tensed. Nonna knew that Kei would put up a hell of a fight, and the two of them were more or less evenly matched when brute force was concerned. She didn't want to risk embarrassment by being baited into a grappling match, so she would need to be clever about it.

Nonna paused for a few long moments- Kei keeping her eyes locked on Nonna, unflinching- before she twirled on her heel and sat unceremoniously on top of Kei directly below her stomach and between her hips.

Kei grunted in discomfort, glaring at Nonna and attempting to shove her off. "What the hell? Get off of me!"

Nonna tried to act nonchalant as she battled against Kei's hands roughly thrusting against her shoulder. "No."

Kei squirmed, kicking her feet against the footrest uselessly. "Come on, Nonna! Get off!"

Nonna pushed back against Kei's arms, peering at Kei over her shoulder. "This is my response to your hostile takeover."

Kei bucked her hips against Nonna before going still with a pout. "I thought Pravda took no prisoners."

"I will let you go if you relinquish your spot and sit on the floor."

Kei's pout melted into indignation and she propped herself up until her face was much too close to Nonna's. "I would _never_ act so disgracefully. Torture me if you wish; force me to the brink of death. I will _never _surrender to the likes of you."

Nonna felt her heart thud harder than was strictly necessary. Did she really think Kei looked _cool_ right then? Was she really so stricken by the brazen look Kei was fixing her with? By those startlingly intense blue eyes that blazed in defiance? Nonna had to take a minute to figure out if Kei was playing with her or not, but the barest hint of a challenging smile curled the corner of Kei's lip. She was daring Nonna to do something. Nonna would not back away.

Nonna swung herself around until she was straddling Kei's hips, and she planted her arms on either side of Kei's head. Nonna glared down at her, pleased to see Kei's composure slip in surprise. Kei looked up at her through her eyelashes, biting her lower lip, and Nonna flinched when she felt Kei rest her hands on Nonna's hips.

Kei's face was the very picture of innocence. "It appears as though I'm completely at your mercy, Vice-Commander."

Nonna stiffened, sure she was being made fun of. "Do you yield?"

Kei leaned forward, nuzzling her face against the side of Nonna's neck, humming softly as if in thought. Nonna froze.

"Never," Kei murmured, rubbing her palms in gentle circles against Nonna's hips.

Nonna trembled, but only slightly. She had fallen prey to the enemy's attacks, and she was at a distinct disadvantage now. Kei's face felt _nice_ against her neck, and her breath tickled her in a way that made her temperature rise. Unbidden, images came to mind how else Kei could launch an attack on her neck, but Nonna shook them away. She was in control here, not Kei. Not her intrusive thoughts. Not the gentle rhythm that Kei's hands were forcing her hips to move with.

Nonna's heart hammered against her ribs.

The answer to her dilemma flashed in her mind, and she could have laughed at the brilliance of it. If Kei was fighting dirty, Nonna would just have to fight even _dirtier_. There was one move Nonna had that could cause Kei to unravel, and it appeared as though the faux-American commander had forced her hand. She wouldn't have used this tactic if she had had any other choice.

Nonna grabbed Kei's shoulder and gently pushed her back until she was lying all the way down again; Kei looked up at her quizzically, and Nonna thought that she looked a little abashed. Kei laughed a touch nervously, and looked like she might be about to apologise, but Nonna silenced her with a finger against her lips. Nonna leaned forward until her nose was touching Kei's, thrilled to see Kei's eyes widen and her cheeks flush. Kei's hands hesitated in their stroking.

Nonna didn't smile, and all she said was, "We'll see."

Nonna kissed the tip of Kei's nose, enjoying the quiet squeak of surprise she got in return. She kissed Kei's left cheek which was soft and smooth. She kissed Kei's jaw. She kissed Kei's ear. With each new spot she kissed, she felt Kei react to varying degrees, and she locked those reactions away where they could be remembered for future reference. Kei's jaw made her hands slip slowly away from Nonna's legs, but Kei's ear made her grab back onto them with startling urgency. Nonna kissed Kei's neck, and pulled back when a muffled noise escaped from her prisoner of war. She looked down at Kei's face, curious and slightly worried she might have done something unsavory; Kei avoided eye contact, her lower lip held firmly between her teeth, and her face redder than Nonna had ever seen it.

"Do you surrender?" Somehow the question came out with more concern than Nonna had intended.

Kei shook her head, meeting Nonna's eyes for the first time with an embarrassed smile. "Y-you're going to have to do much worse than that to get me to surrender. You fiend."

Nonna did smile then. "Very well."

Nonna leaned back down, her target this time was Kei's lips, but she pulled back just short of them when she noticed how they parted for her. She eyed Kei suspiciously, but Kei had closed her eyes, her eyebrows pulled together in anticipation. Nonna considered if she really wanted to give Kei what she wanted; that was not the purpose of this attack, it was in fact the opposite of the purpose of the attack. Hadn't she set out to obliterate the interloper? To make her grovel before her while she was in Nonna's home? And yet the image of Kei in her mind who came completely unraveled over a mere kiss was too tempting to resist. Maybe Kei thought that this was what she wanted, but she was surely mistaken in her assumption that she could handle it. Of this, Nonna was certain.

Ever careful of enemy treachery, Nonna compromised by grabbing Kei's lower lip with her teeth instead. Kei groaned in impatience, and she slapped her hands against Nonna's hips, opening her eyes and glaring up at Nonna in a way that made Nonna's heart skip a beat. Oh, she _liked_ this. She would take her sweet time before she kissed the girl trapped under her on the couch, and Kei would squirm and fuss and wish for death all the while. Never again would she be underestimated; Kei would know the true meaning of torture, and she would carry that with her the rest of her days.

Nonna jolted when she felt a warm hand slide up under her shirt, and she focused once more on the person pouting beneath her. Kei had her face scrunched up in way that reminded Nonna very much of Katyusha when snack time was delayed. Kei's wandering hands had made their way to the small of Nonna's back and were trailing little circles that sent shivers up Nonna's spine. There was no decorum in this; Nonna knew what Kei was attempting to do, and Kei was not trying to hide it. Nonna wanted to revel in Kei's frustration, but the urge to press her lips against Kei's rose like a violent wave in her. She had not the time to consider it or cast in it the light of the next logical step in her plan to subjugate Kei; she leaned down, a breath away from making that final connection, when the door to the apartment slammed open.

"Katyusha has returned! Rejoice, my comrades!"

Nonna jerked back so hard she sent herself tumbling backwards off the couch, scrambling to get to her feet and unable to keep her face from burning red hot.

"Jesus!" Kei screamed, covering her face with her hands and muttering a string of English curses under her breath.

Katyusha could not see Kei from the doorway, but she heard her and she saw Nonna looking about as guilty as Nonna could look. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Nonna. Were you attacking Katyusha's American?"

Nonna opened her mouth to reply, but Kei cut her off with an angry shout, "Not even remotely well enough!"

Nonna recoiled. Katyusha's face contorted in confusion as she jogged around the couch to reach Kei. "What is the meaning of this? What has happened?"

Kei's hands were cemented to her face, and not even Katyusha could coax them away. Disjointed English words fell out between her fingers, and neither Katyusha nor Nonna pretended to understand what they meant.

In the end, hadn't Nonna been successful in her mission? Kei was done for, and she wasn't likely to be recovering soon. Even as Katyusha climbed her way into a cuddling position with Kei, Nonna knew deep down that she hadn't won. At best it was a stalemate. Because Nonna felt a yawning crater inside of herself that would not fill itself. The kiss that was not to be haunted her in a way that was impossible to understand. Truly, her foe was far more formidable than she had ever dreamed, and once more she retreated to the sanctuary of her quarters.

* * *

A/N: The reception to this story was so much better than I had ever dreamed, so I'm opening the vault and sharing with you all the depths of my depravity. I'm sorry, mother, but the amount of stuff I've written for this ridiculous ship is far greater than I care to admit.


End file.
